370b303e1460d2691d353ec28f613396.jpgSo apparently just like you are asked to rate your Ola/Uber drivers..they are expected to rate you too.

The desire to be liked is so strong that I found myself shamelessly peering over my driver’s shoulder to see what rating had he given me and I must admit feeling very relieved to have gotten a five star rating. He probably gave that to everybody but the whole episode got me thinking – How many people are rating me ?

My grocer? My gardner? My hairstylist?

What do they write in the additional comments ?

Talks too little.

Does not receive phone calls.

Does not dress Indian enough.

Loves Methi (Fenugreek). Hates Pumpkin.

 Gets too impatient when late.

Wrinkles up her nose if the cab smells stale.

(Actually I also look closely at the cushioning – ONCE I FOUND BLOOD STAINS  which got my head caught up in a tornado imagining dead rotting bodies in the boot and what not)

Anyway I digress.

I imagine all the star ratings and comments going into a giant database that tells you a little something about a billion people.

In the future you could look for partners like you look for hotels. Log in to http://www.judgepeople.com (I checked – the domain name is available) and type in your requirement. Add the number of minimum stars four or five. Select criteria like patience. Generosity. Loves kissing in the backseat of a car. And press search.

And you have your perfect match.

Not choosing people solely on their profile pictures and their self commentary but actual ratings by actual people that they deal with every day of their lives.

You could choose someone based on your mutual love for cinema hall popcorn or karela as reported by the vegetable vendor on the app. Or computer games as reported by the techie guy.

If someone is good to the taxi driver I bet there is a high likelihood of him being an overall nice person.

I know one thing though. I am not letting my auxiliary staff get onto that app whenever that is made. I’d be in negative within three minutes.

On the bright side  – everyone would try to be their brightest sweetest best everywhere they go in the hope of a good rating.


Questioners and Questionees

The world is divided into the Questioners and the Questionees.( I know..I know…I made those words up)
 There is always that one person in every group….in every long flight….in every late night party…in every kirana ka dukaan….who is alway subjecting everyone else to questions. 
When are you going to find a job?
When are you going to get married?
When are you going to lose weight?
When are you going to do something about that grey hair?
Why don’t you have any brothers?
When you going to have children?
And those of us who unfortunately fall into that other category spend most of our lives answering, ignoring, lying, or warding off these little queries. Of course the questioners are persistent, curious, insistent and all best of all – all questions are always followed by a little priceless nugget of wisdom. 
The funny part is a lot of immigration goes on too. People from group two suddenly migrate into group 1. The change occurs with such subtlety that many a times no one notices – not even the person who has changed. 
All of a sudden that woman who hated everybody who kept asking her when is she going to get married, starts poking her spinster cousin with the same question. That man who loses 10 kgs after hating the guts of every person who brought the issue up, suddenly wants to know why the whole world is NOT getting thinner. And that couple who had an unplanned baby want to know why isn’t everybody impregnating each other with equal alacrity. 
Questionee that I am – I always find it funny that most of my kind are always on the back foot. Always playing defensive. In fact this answering questions thing – can be a very amusing pass time. 
For example answer people who ask you – why are you so thin ? with – ” Oh thank you for reminding me. I forgot today is friday. It is the only day of the week I eat”
And when are you going to have children with “when they learn to wash their own bums.”
It is easy when you begin to take the world less seriously.

Let the questions roll.