Facebook Fraandship Requests

I am forever amazed at people who send random friend requests on Facebook. You don’t know them – you have never met them and yet there’s that friend request smugly sitting in your notification panel.

I am sure there is nothing wrong in principle with looking to befriend new and interesting people ( Serial murderers should be a most engaging choice) but still.

I know of four categories for sure… but there may be more.

Category 1: The people-you-knew-decades-ago requests. 

What is really amusing is that most people won’t even send you a message along with that request.. Why should they do all the hard work? They clicked ADD FRIEND didn’t they?  You are expected to go to their profile check out their information (which will almost always be incomplete) and see their little koala bear for a profile pic and say yehhhhh… I remember this person. I studied with her two decades ago and now I recognize that she probably is the type to have a marsupial fetish. This has to be Richa. Accept Friend request.

This happens to be the most oversensitive category as well.

If you dare message – Hello.. Do we know each other? You’d most likely get a scathing retort like yes – from 5th standard in school (50millions years ago) but since you don’t remember I withdraw the request!!!!

Category 2: Send-every-single-person-on-Facebook-a-friend-request kind of person. 

There will be no mutual friends. And there will be no accompanying message or note. These are the Lets-try-our-luck-with-everybody kind of people. The kind of person who buys a lottery ticket every weekend and doesn’t really care if they lose every single week. Oh and when Facebook eventually blocks them – they send a message like the following: “Hi..how r… can plz send frnd req?”

Category 3: The-pretend-mistaken-friend request. 

They send it to you and when you write back saying – Do we know each other? They will almost have the same thing to say. “No.. sorry… I sent that by mistake. But since I sent it anyway lets be friends.” ( How very convenient)

And then the most amusing category of them all.

Category 4: Friend-request-with-idiotic-accompanying-message

The ones whose random request comes accompanied by a note. The message is almost always corny. The language will be juvenile – the message even more so. But always – always entertaining.

Exhibit 1:

Hi, just trying to wish you a happy new year and hoping to hear from you soon. Sorry if my message is against your tradition but I am just easy going , simple man seeking a true friend in my life. Thanks for your audience. (How’s Happy new year against anyone’s tradition?)

But once in a while there will be the truly hilarious ones.

Exhibit 2:

The hottest arms on facebook. Cannot send a friend request, dont know why. Why are you so circumspect about strangers? (Does he have the hottest arms or do I? He cannot send a request and doesn’t know why? Hint: You are obviously a stalker that FB banned )


Little Truths

Gris-Gris is well known for its sea cliff. This part of the island is not surrounded by coral reefs. Thick waves crash directly on the cliffs. The most spectacular part of Gris-gris is the “Roche Qui Pleure” where the constant squashing of waves against the flanks of the cliff gives the impression that the cliff is crying.

I see heads bobbing prettily all around me. 
Like hot air balloons that are tied to a string. 
Appearing carefree and floating and weightless
But they never really take off from the ground.
I see people fraternizing at communal festivities
Like dancers pirouetting rapturous on a stage
They seem graceful and blissful and euphoric
But it is a choreographed happiness.
I see humans flying all over a shrunken world
Like migratory birds with multiple entry visas
They appear unshackled and blithe and winged
But gravity pulls them down ever so often.
I see hands being held adoringly everyday
Like an inseparable bond between iron and magnet
They appear steadfast and enamored and devoted
But there is a deathly silent rust setting in. 
I see friendships seemingly discovered in a second
Like glittering diamonds in a coal mine
And they are feted and treasured and coveted
Even though the market is flooded with fakes. 
I see life going past in the slow motion of a movie
Like a lethargic snail counting little paces
It is plodding and dawdling and sluggish
Yet surprisingly it is over before you have even begun.


Things that aren’t made to last


Like an ice cream. No matter how delicious and soothing and how slowly you try to relish it – it will disappear or melt.
Like a rain shower in the middle of a hot summer’s day. It will tease you and please you and be gone before you can dance your heart out.
Like a dream. It will shine and design vivid pictures of inconceivable beauty and be gone the moment you open your eyes.
Like a beautiful bird. It will dance and it will prance and fly away into nothing the moment you reach for it.
Like a rose. It will twirl and whirl in an explosion of color and then inevitably wither away in a day.
Like a solar flare. It will burst and it will dazzle and then suddenly it looks like nothing ever happened. 
Like some friendships. They will be funny and sunny and incredibly right till they go wrong and break apart. 
Where do all beautiful things go when they break or die or disappear?
Maybe that is what they call heaven. 
Heaven is a place where the ice cream cones and roses and dreams and rain showers and eternal friendships go to live.